Dear Kai, part two

Now, there were many people that were not happy I was keeping this big detail a secret, I'm not going to name any names though (your Grandmothers and a few of your aunts). They did everything they could to get me to slip up and call you a he, she, him, or her. One of your grandmothers even tried taking me out shopping for baby clothes. Again, I won't name any names (Grandma Gayla.) She tried to act like she wasn't peeking through aisles of hung up clothes while I browsed the baby section, don't worry though, I had her number! :) I casually looked through both the boy and girl sections and picked out outfits for each with the intention that I would take the girl clothes back when the cat was out of the bag. I never did, because I really liked them. I didn't put them on you of course, they are just stashed away on one of the shelves in your closet for the baby sister you may have one day.
Anyways, the day finally came when we drove up for your Dad's graduation. A few days before we left, I made these cute pink and purple cards for each one of your grandparents. On the outside, was the ultrasound picture showcasing your family jewels. The inside had a short little note from you explaining how you were a really a boy and that I had chosen to make the card in girlish colors to throw them off. Before I gave them the cards, I was going to tell your Dad first. When we initially found out you were on your way, we decided that if you were a boy, we would decorate your room with a cool pirate theme. So when you actually turned out to be a boy, I found the cutest little pirate sippy cup and put it in a satin, drawstring bag to give to your Dad. Knowing full well, he would understand what I was trying to tell him. And he did.
We were sitting on a bench outside of cracker barrel (Ha! Totally not planned to be the place I would make the announcement but makes for an interesting detail) while your grandparents were sitting inside, on the edge of their seats no doubt! Your father looked at me and said, "Really? We are having a Kai?!" All while wearing the biggest smile, I have ever seen on his face. I'm pretty sure you had him at that moment, kiddo. The weekend was a dream and flew by way too fast. We kissed Daddy goodbye, yet again. He was on his way to airborne school at Fort Benning in Georgia.
The awesome thing was, I could drive every weekend to see him while he was there! We were so thrilled. Your Dad said every time he saw me that my belly looked bigger. We spent lazy days at our cozy hotel, enjoyed great dinners out, saw the 6th Harry Potter in theaters (I had to get up at least 5 times to use the bathroom), and spent a day in Callaway Gardens. It was definitely much needed quality time for us, but like usual, the almost 4 weeks flew by and we were saying goodbye, again. At least this time we were on the home stretch of our journey, I was just starting my 3rd trimester and Dad was leaving for AIT in Virginia. After that he was done and around that same time you were almost done cooking!
A few weeks passed and I drove up with Grandma Gayla and Papa Dave to see your Dad for Labor Day weekend. We picked Dad up and headed to Washington D.C. I was 30 weeks pregnant and my stomach was huge! People kept telling me it looked like I was going to fall over from my chicken legs giving out. It kind of did look like that... It was a weekend full of fun and lots of walking, Dad was proud I was keeping up so well.
At about 34 weeks I drove up yet again to see your Dad, this time with Grandma Ruthie. I made the mistake of not drinking enough water and not getting out of the car for enough breaks and when I finally got to Virginia something went a little wrong. I was having some serious Braxton Hicks contractions. Only they weren't BHs because these were painful and coming about every 2 minutes. After much debate, we finally headed for the hospital. We got lost about 5 times but we finally did make it there. The nurses hooked me up to a fetal monitor and monitor for my contractions, I was really relieved to know you were ok. At one point, the nurse asked me if I was feeling anything and I told her yes, I was in pain. She said, "Honey, that's because you are in labor!"
Cue panic-stricken look on my face. Then she added nonchalantly, "Looks like you will be having this baby in Virginia." I told her she was wrong and there was no way I was having my baby in Virginia. She just gave me a blank stare. No offense to VA, but that was just not something I wanted to do. They gave me some scary drugs and IVs, with the hope that my contractions would stop so you could continue to bake a little longer. Something finally worked and after 15 hours in the hospital, 3 of which I was shaking uncontrollably, I was released. Your Dad was so worried about me driving all the way back home to Florida, that he ever so lovingly map quested every hospital off 95 the entire length of our trip. I think there was one every hour or so. Luckily, I made it back home without delay and was feeling fine. Because I was so terrified of having you early after that, I put myself on mild bed rest the remainder of the time until your Dad came home. And you know what?! It worked! Your Dad returned home on November 10, 2009. 10 whole days before you were born. Thank you for that :)

Dear Kai, part one

I was looking at my calendar today and it dawned on me that I was almost the mother of a two year old. Although, there are many indicators that Kai, has in fact, reached the "twos" something about looking at the calendar this morning, made that seem so much more real to me. After my big realization, I began digging for a very special word document saved on our computer that I somehow forgot about for the past 9 months. You see, I decided to start a tradition for my children, one where I would write them a letter on each one of their birthdays. The first would be the longest and would include memories from my pregnancy with them through their first birthday. And then one day, either when they are 18 or become parents themselves (I haven't decided which yet), I will give them the collection of letters. A gift that could never be purchased and one that would bring to light, the joy they have brought to my life, and Jesse's too of course. Since I have been attempting to blog as much as I can about our lives, using it as a way to document certain memories, I felt I should share the letter I wrote on Kai's first birthday. It seems only right.
This is a long letter, so I decided to split it up among a few posts. I'd say mostly women read this blog, so I'm guessing it will be somewhat interesting to most of you. If not, I apologize for being an emotional, mushy, lovey dovey type of woman. If you aren't at least one of those, please message me because I'd really be interested to know how you do that! :)

Dear Kai,
You will often hear women say they knew immediately they were expecting, that something just felt different. With you, my son, this was not so.
I don't know if that was because your father and I were not trying to get pregnant or if I was just oblivious to all of the signs but needless to say, I was shocked when I saw two pink lines on that pregnancy test. You see, I had just come back from a trip to Chicago with Aunt Yumi, and I was patiently waiting in the car while Daddy was in his recruiter's office receiving his ship out date for Basic training. I had been having terrible heartburn that radianted much further then just my chest and had been feeling super emotional which I blamed on the date that was approaching for your father and I to be separated for nearly 8 months. With a sudden urge to go to the bathroom, I got out of the car and walked to the nearby drug store. While heading back towards the restroom I happened to pass by the family planning section. In the corner of my eye, I saw a pregnancy test and grabbed it with the intention of reassuring my spinning head that all of my symptoms were not from being pregnant. When the clerk told me the bathroom was out of order, I walked down to Publix to use the bathroom there. I took the test and initially saw just one line, "phew!" I thought in my head. As I gathered my stuff to walk out of the stall I glanced down at the stick one more time and ever so slightly, a second line was appearing. My head really started to spin and I went into full fledge shock mode. I tried to walk out of the store as composed as I possibly could, to not call attention to myself and lost it just as I reached the car. I began calling Aunt Yumi obsessively. She finally called me back and with as much composure that I could manage, I mustered out, "I'm pregnant!"
She did her best to calm me down and I was thankful. It wasn't that I wasn't happy, I was just overwhelmed. And if you know me at all, you know I am a planner. This just happened to not be written in my plan at that moment and I panicked. When your dad reached the car, he immediately saw my face and asked me what was the wrong. Again, I was sobbing and told him I was pregnant. He reached over and hugged me and said, "Its ok, this is a happy thing! Everything is great! We love each other and we are going to have a baby!" Your father is a wonderful man and had me smiling in minutes. All of a sudden, a wave of serenity washed over me and I quickly realized how blessed we were.
Your father was preparing to leave in 4 weeks and we hoped that the days leading up to his departure would move slowly and the days leading up to his homecoming would move quickly. He was able to make it to my first prenatal appointment and for that we were both so thankful. Unfortunately, you were two much of a peanut for them to give me an ultrasound and I know that Daddy was disappointed that he would miss all those special appointments. I was disappointed too.
I will never forget the day I dropped your Dad off at the recruiter's office, I had never felt so heartbroken in my life, we both cried our whole drive there and I thought my heart was going to give out on me. We held each other for as long as we could in the parking lot and then he kissed me one last time, then kissed my barely there baby bump. I don't know how I managed to drive myself back home but I did safely, for you. About two hours after I dropped Dad off, he called me and told me he had the night to do as he pleased, so I immediately got back in the car to pick him up. We had a beautiful evening together. First dinner at The Cheesecake Factory then, we went back home to cuddle together and try to watch tv. We both cried pretty much the entire time while at home. Looking back, it was harder to see him again that day, because we had to say goodbye twice. But we did, and we trudged on. Each of us going down a path leading to a brand new journey. It's funny the way life works out. Your dad was going through training the entire time I was pregnant, and was due to be home 10 days before your due date.
I still remember, the exact date of the day we first "met." It was May 5, 2009 and I was about 12 weeks pregnant. It was your first ultrasound. It was amazing, you actually looked like a baby! You were beautiful and I was immediately in love with you. I got extra copies of your pictures to send to Daddy in my daily letters to him. He later told me that he pulled out those pictures every night and dreamt about all the things he was going to teach you. He even kept one in the pocket of his ACUs. You and I were his motivation. We still are, he says.
Six weeks had passed from when your Dad had left and I was now 16 weeks pregnant and about to find out if you were a boy or a girl. I had decided that I would go alone to this appointment and that I would keep your gender a secret until I saw your Daddy in person and told him at his graduation from Basic. It seemed only right that he be the next person to know. And since I couldn't just call him on the phone and tell him, I decided to wait and really make an event of it. The ultrasound technician, didn't even have to tell me, because I saw what it was I was looking for and squealed with excitement. As she typed B-O-Y on the screen, tears rolled down my cheeks. You had become that much more real to me. Now, you had a name. Kai Alan, you became my little dude in that moment and you have stayed true to that, every day we have shared together.

4 Things I enjoyed on the 4th of July

FOOD

What's better than good food? 

I guess you could say there are a lot of things that are better but lets just agree that good food is somewhere at the top of the 'best things in life' list.

And when good food is pretty, well, it's just that much better.

Good ol' Berry Pie

Fruit Salad of Champions

My pride and joy. These were so easy!

FRIENDS
Do you know what you get when you add good food with good friends?
The best kind of day.
Here is Kai and his buddy Jacob.
Watching them together makes my heart melt like butter.

FAMILY
I am the happiest when I spend days filled with the laughter, joy and happiness of these two men.
There is nothing better.

Parking Lot Fireworks

In these bodies we will live,
In these bodies we will die.
Where you invest your LOVE,
You invest your life.
- Mumford and Sons

Amen to that.


FREEDOM
You may say I am cliche' for using this but let's get serious for a minute.
This holiday is to celebrate the freedom to BE.
There are thousands of people in places all around the world fighting to protect that freedom.
Whether or not you support the military, it is the truth and it is real.
I never understood the military lifestyle nor did I understand the pride that comes with it but that all changed when that lifestyle I found so hard to relate to and the pride I could never fully understand, became my reality.
The truth is, my husband will probably be deployed in the near future.
The truth is I will have to say goodbye to him and watch him go to war.
The truth is there are families who are doing that right now.
It is not a video game, it is real life.
So while I enjoyed my berry pie and fireworks, I kept the reality of the sacrifices made by countless numbers of families close to my heart.

That Kind of Friend

I have this friend. She is pretty wonderful.
We met at summer camp 11 years ago. The funny thing is, the morning my parents dropped me off my very first day of camp, my mom said these very words, "Have the best time. Who knows, you may end up meeting a friend here that you will have for the rest of your life."
Did she hit the nail on the head or what?
I was trying to think of just one word that could describe my friend for a project I'm working on that is, at the moment, top secret. :-)

I mean, how do you chose just one word to describe a friendship that has stood the test of time? Or someone who has been there every step of the way, even when she has had to carry you a few miles until you were able to walk on your own again? The person who knows you far better than you know yourself. The person who ALWAYS takes your side, no matter the situation. Or ever so tactfully, helps you to see the things that you are either too blind to see for yourself, or worse the things you see but pretend not to notice. The person you were college roommates with, even in the most literal definition of the word. I'm talking same room, same bed, same CLOSET! Yeah, that's love. The person you traveled to the other side of the world with. The person who threw their ski pole off a lift to make you feel better when your ski fell off and you felt embarrassed. The person who held your hair back when you had a wee bit too much to drink. The person who was feeding you the alcohol that got you to that point. The person who told you, you still looked great when you broke your nose with your knee doing backflips off the bed. The person you laugh until you pee your pants with, the person you go to first when something good, bad, ugly, or just plain boring happens. The person who got you kicked out of the bar on your 21st birthday. The person who cried because she felt so bad for getting you kicked out of the bar that night. The person who made you jump out of a plane to celebrate her birthday. The person who was there when you lost your stepfather to cancer. The person who cried when she listened to old tapes of you and your mom singing and talking when you were a little girl. The person who talked you into learning to jump out of a plane by yourself. The person who was there when you met your future husband, then took the credit and told you it was all because she made you jump out of a plane for her birthday that one time. The person who is totally to thank for meeting your husband. The person who stood right next to you when you married the love of your life. The only person you wanted to call and talk to when you were on your honeymoon. The first person you told when you found out you were expecting a baby. The person who was there when you and your husband welcomed your son into the world. The person who you call on the phone to watch tv together. The person who loves your son like he was her own. The person who understands all of your strange quirks and knows everything there is to know about you and still loves you. The person who finds your humor funny when the 20 other people in the room don't. The person who the first day you met her, came up to you and told you, "I'm with you". The person who kept her words from so long ago and has been with you every step of the way.

The only word I can think of when describing a friend like that is well, family.
Not friend, family.

A Sweet Day

Today.
So many words could describe today. It was just one of those days where your life could pass for picture perfect. I like those kind of days. There aren't an absurd number of them so when they come around I like to bask in their wonderfulness. Makes me want to just sit back and say, "Ahhh..."

Today was my Hubby's second Father's Day. At first we weren't sure he would be able to even SEE us, but our luck changed and I woke up to him coming through our bedroom door :D
We went to the park, cuddled together, drank homemade lemonade, ate our family favorite dinner (tacos, of course!), talked about our family's future and our dreams. I didn't want it to end.

Some people are just great parents from day one. My husband is one of them. Really, he is.
He is gentle but firm. Kind and fun. He wants to give our son a life of adventure, wonder and opportunity. He works hard everyday to provide a beautiful life for us. I couldn't have hand picked a better person to raise a child with. He leaves me speechless.

I am SO blessed. And so is our son.
What an incredible role model he has. What a amazing partner I have.

This day is for you, honey. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you! For your love, sacrifices and the magic you bring to our lives everyday.
We are so grateful.

We love you!

Summer Heat

Summer is practically here.
Scratch that. It is here. And by here I mean, North Carolina.
It is HOT. Stifling. Hard to breathe hot. Yuck.

Being originally from Florida you would think that the heat wouldn't be an issue to me since I am a good 8 hours north from where I lived for almost my entire life. But nope, I think it's safe to say that the summer here is much more unbearable and my very least favorite season. How sad :( I'm so used to summer being happy and exciting.

To cheer myself up and make this summer a little less miserable, I have made a list (like all good list makers do) of all the fun things I will accomplish in the next few months.

1. Make lemonade, mojitos and margaritas often. And often meaning at the very least twice a week.
2. Enjoy our kiddie pool with my kiddie and also my girlfriends during nap time while drinking something from the list above.
3. Paint the trim in my house. Yes, this is exciting to me. I know, lame.
4. Go on a family vacation somewhere WAY north of here. Boston? Philadelphia? Who knows.
5. Read through the rainbow resource center catalog, that is roughly the size of an encyclopedia.
6. Eat what grows from my garden.
7. Go to thrift stores and search for treasures. (like the first edition Hardy Boys book I found circa 1958)
8. Read at least 5 books from my "Must Read" book list.
9. Watch season 2 of Glee.
10. Plan my living room makeover.
11. Re cover my vintage wing back chair with some nifty fabric.

That's all I have for now. I'll be sure to update how much of this list I actually accomplish.
Happy summer!

Organizing my Life

I LOVE being organized.

Problem is, I often have trouble staying organized. Especially, when I don't have a clear execution of whatever it is I'm trying to organize. For example, the cabinet under my kitchen sink where I house all my cleaning supplies was the most cluttered, scary, filthy part of my whole kitchen. I don't know how it ever got so bad or when it started to go down hill but this week I opened it up and really looked around down there and about had a minor stroke. I had been hoarding empty bottles of windex, all purpose cleaners and dish soap. There was a dried up, caked on spill under most of my sponges from my stainless steel cleaner that had been knocked over and never picked up. And I had piles of half used rags scattered everywhere.

It was down right horrifying.

I decided it needed to be cleaned up and organized ASAP. So I went to about 3 stores looking for shower caddies or utility caddies and finally found them at BB&B. I love that store. It's almost dangerous how much I love that place. Good thing it's about 30 minutes away on the other side of town. Any who, I bought two of those babies and set off to organize the disaster under my sink.

I scrubbed and cleaned and scrubbed some more. Then I organized my caddies into a bathroom caddy and a bedroom/ living area caddy. That way when I have to go up stairs to clean my bathrooms I just grab the handy bathroom caddy and everything I need is right there. And when it's time to clean bedrooms or dust and clean windows I just grab the other caddy. Simple as simple can be. And VERY organized.

The bathroom caddy contains: bathroom and shower cleaner, windex, toilet cleaner, rubber gloves, paper towels, sponges, a rag and masks.

The living area caddy contains: windex, dust spray, furniture polish, carpet cleaner, paper towels, sponges, a rag, a brush and masks (because I don't like to breath in dust and chemicals when I clean)

Doesn't it feel so good to get organized? :)

The Decision

I remember when I was in 8th grade, the assistant principal of our school held a goodbye assembly for all of the students in my grade before we left for high school. He said that in life there are 3 things you absolutely have to do. He listed them off in this order: birth, death and then he threw a curve ball to my then 14 year old brain. He said you have to make decisions. I remember thinking at the time that he was a little off his rocker because there were plenty of things that could also be put on that list but his point was a valid one and it stuck with me.

Just like everyone, I have made my fair share of poor decisions. Thankfully, I turned out alright, maybe a little quirky with a hint of OCD and not always as patient as I would like to be but I'm working on it.

Since the minute I found out I was pregnant, I have painstakingly thought through just about every decision that would involve my baby with the utmost attention, research and prayer. Dont misunderstand me, I am not in any way claiming to be a perfect mother. I couldn't be farther from it. There is just no such thing. Making decisions for another life has been a very sobering experience but one that has given such great purpose to my existence. I knew I would breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months, and continue for as long as it worked for both of us. I co-slept, made my own baby food and rocked the baby wearing look. I've been a huge advocate for natural parenting and read labels constantly. So when, I started looking into the school system where we are currently living ( I am a planner so although it seems early to be looking into schools, that's just the way I do it and it has proven beneficial time and time again) I was horrified with what I found. I was a public school graduate and had a great experience but location is everything when it comes to public education. Needless to say I quickly threw out the idea of sending our son to public school. Then I researched private schools in our area and wasn't very impressed with what I found, not to mention they came with a price tag that was a little too far out of our budget.
I felt defeated, discouraged and frustrated. What was I going to do? How could our son possibly receive the education that we so wanted for him? It came down to moving or homeschooling. Since moving is not in the cards for us, homeschooling was the last resort.

I guess I had the same negative opinions that most people have when the topic of homeschooling is brought up in conversation, unless of course they are homeschooling their children or they had a homeschool education themselves. I'd say the two main comments I have heard are A. Homeschool families are all weirdos and B. What about socialization? Honestly speaking, I was guilty of having such thoughts back in the day. I was speaking from knowledge that I gained only through movies or tv and we all know how close to the truth that can be. The more I read and talk to families who homeschool the more I love the whole idea of it. The benefits I have found from not even starting yet outweigh any cons that I can think of. Actually my cons list is completely blank except for some scribbles and stick figures that I started to draw when I got bored from not being able to put anything negative on the page. It's funny how some things fall in to your lap out of sheer circumstance then turn out to be something that means so much more. I feel that way about my quest to homeschool our children. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to go down this path, I'm looking forward to having a hands on relationship with my son's education and truly being able to watch him grow and develop in a entirely different way.

To address the common concerns in the case to homeschool, the first one being that all homeschooling families are weirdos.... Well maybe they are but aren't we all a little weird? So you are saying that sending your kid to public school means that they won't be weird? I don't think so. I went to public school and I'm all kinds of weird. And the infamous socialization concern, that one is like people asking me how I get my protein if I don't eat meat.... Silly and just plain uneducated. You don't send your child to school to socialize. You send them to get an education. There is actually very little time given to "socialize" in school. Socialization stems from the home or it should stem from the home. I can't expect a teacher with 20 something five year olds to have time to make sure my son knows how to interact with others and be a functioning member of society. That is my job as his parent and something I want to teach him. The nice thing about homeschool is that there are usually only a few children to teach so actual school time is complete much quicker then if there were 5 or 6 times that. Meaning much more time left over for extracurricular activities, field trips and time for kids to explore subjects that actually interest them.

I don't believe that homeschooling is for everyone but I think that everyone could homeschool if they so wanted. I am excited to see how this chapter of our lives plays out. Hope this has given the skeptics a little food for thought :)

Full Plate

Do you know what happens when you are me and your plate is FULL with life and a toddler and a husband and cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, bills, a new puppy, a garden, a new career path AND you try to write a blog? Well, you go from having BIG plans to write on your blog everyday to not posting for 6 months. Yep, that's what happened. I am in no way proud of my lack of commitment to my blog but I am not beating myself over the head either. A few months after my son was born, (and after a minor panic attack)I came to terms with the fact that I will never be the perfect housewife or mother and that I can't do it all. I have simply made a list of the things that are the MOST important to myself and my family and those are the things that take priority in day to day life. Unfortunately, my blog is just not very high on that list. But, and this is a big but, I have started to organize my life much more and with my new sweet organization skills, I have become pretty good at my time management skills as well. Hence, this recent post.

Here are a few pictures to help illustrate what the past 6 months have looked like here.