Oh, the places you'll go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!


You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

My baby turned one yesterday.

My sweet, tiny baby who was 6 lbs. 11 oz. that would sleep so soundly on my chest is now a toddler running around squealing and screaming with shouts of pure joy and excitment.

That was fast. 

I always knew it would go by quickly but here I am, post first birthday wondering how did that happen? 

My husband and I went out birthday shopping to target a few days ago, while little man was with Grandma. After we had looked at the toys and clothes, I wandered over to the book section. I always seem to find myself there. Books have always been a love of mine. Something completely consistent in an utterly inconsistent and sometimes disappointing world. Anyways, I love giving books as gifts. There is something personal and special about giving a wonderful story to someone. Makes my heart feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. Well, I happened upon one of my most favorite books. Oh, the places you'll go by Dr. Suess. It is traditionally given to kids when they graduate but I picked it up and started reading it. If you have never actually read it, it's basically in a nut shell about life and all of what it is made out of. That the reader can go anywhere, be anything and do anything he wants with it. I immediately started thinking about Kai and how his whole life was ahead of him.

He has only been on this earth for one year and already he has brought so much love, happiness and joy to so many people. What a blessing he is!

I am so excited to see what his passions will be, what kind of friends he will have, where he will travel, what his favorite color will be, what his greatest fear will be or what kind of son, husband, father, or friend he will become. 

I hope his life is full wonder. I hope he finds a great love. I hope he will find true happiness.

Motherhood is so beautiful. But it is also painful. It is hard to love someone that much. Every mother will agree, you pour every ounce of energy, time, patience, and love into that other person only for them to grow up and leave. And that is the point. To mold them into responsible, moral, kind members of society. To raise them to where they no longer need you. It is bittersweet, but it is life. 

So I have decided not to rush anymore milestones, to put away any distraction, and to completely submerge myself in every moment with my son. Before I know it, I will be watching my baby bird fly away and create a life for himself. Oh, the places he will go!

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!


So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

A Leap of Faith

If I had to summarize the past two years of my life in one sentence, "A leap of faith" would be it. Actually the title of this blog is inaccurate. It is really more like several leaps of faith but it just doesn't sounds as good.

      I began skydiving in March of 2008. Unlike most stories of how people became hooked on the sport, my story was NOT love at first leap. Don't get me wrong, my first jump was amazing, breathtaking and unlike anything I had ever experienced but I was perfectly fine with beginning and ending my skydiving career with one jump. After being beat over the head with the idea of going through the AFF course so we could jump on our own, by two of my nearest and dearest friends (Thank you Brett and Yumi), I finally obliged and the rest was history. I think my passion for the sport grew more like a mature romance rather than a case of puppy love, it took time. Looking back, I find it hilarious that I knowingly threw myself out of planes without really being convinced that this was something I wanted to do. But I love a challenge and I am stubborn when I get an idea in my head. So I kept jumping, making leaps of faith, if you will. After investing almost all my time, energy and money, I fell in love with skydiving and I fell hard. It was one of the best times of my life. I was pretty much flat broke but so immensely happy. It was my escape and the most relaxing thing I had ever done for myself. It forever changed me.

    Fast Forward to the end of November 2008, along with jumping out of planes another passion was born through this part of my life. Indoor skydiving, tunnel flying, wind tunnels, whatever you know it as, it was and still is like a drug to me. And this is where my skydiving story turns into a romance novel. This is the part where I meet the man who becomes my Husband. He was an instructor at the wind tunnel in Orlando and I was a fairly regular flyer there. We meet. Sparks fly. And again the rest is history. We dated for 4 months then got married. So many people thought we were crazy, it was too soon, we barely knew each other, too young to take such a leap of faith..... the list continues. The way I see it is like this: When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. Good ol' When Harry met Sally. We knew, we just knew. Sure we could have waited and had a long engagement and had everything in a straight line but that is just not our style. I always knew that I would live my life differently, so did Jesse. We made a leap of faith, together, hands held, eyes closed, hearts open. It was the best decision either of us had ever made.

   Fast forward yet again, Jesse joins the Army with the small hope/chance that he will one day become a Golden Knight for the U.S. Parachute team and I am pregnant. Living a different life now turns into living a different/ difficult life. It was definitely not easy, it was actually quite hard but not impossible. We kept going, unsure what the future held. Holding on to the faith that we had made the right choices and that what was meant to be would be. Ten days after Jesse returned home from 7 months of training, our beautiful son was born. Again, we leaped but this time into parenthood. It has been the single greatest thing I have ever done. Ever.

    So here we are now, Jesse is now officially a Golden Knight, we have a precious son who will be one soon, our marriage is strong and joyful, we have a beautiful home and we are happy. We are living proof that Leaps of Faith can be and will be life changing in the most amazing ways. Its just a matter of having the courage to step into the unknown, letting yourself feel vulnerable and continuing to let life mold and change you into what you are meant to be.

What Love is...

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

                      - Captain Corelli's Mandolin

This is probably one of my favorite quotes, if not my favorite, on love. It is from the book Captain Corelli's Mandolin written by Louis de Bernieres. Read it, it's a beautiul story. Happy Sunday Everyone!

Did I Really Just Read That?

          Today I stumbled upon an article that created quite a bit of controversy and rage in the breastfeeding community. I did not go looking for it but rather I'd like to think that it found me. I was actually looking for literature on something my friend told me about called the "Breast Crawl". It's really fascinating if you have time, definitely look it up. It will wow you. So back to this controversial article, it's called The Case Against Breastfeeding. I was pretty intrigued when I saw the title of this article, being a proud breastfeeding mother and huge supporter of the concept that breast really is best, I could not believe what I was reading. I mean even mothers I know who formula feed will admit that they know nursing provides benefits to baby and mother that formula simply can not. Usually, their opinion on the matter is something along the lines of "Well, I was given formula and I came out o.k." Before I say anything more, i just want to point out that I'm not judging mothers who choose to/ have to formula feed their babies. I am simply sharing my thoughts on an article and why I have personally chosen to breastfeed.
      So I did what any curious person would do and I sat down and read this very lengthy article and to put it nicely was not impressed. The article discuss how some moms struggle with breastfeeding and suggests that in the end it's really not worth it.  She claims to have read the actual studies that show the benefits of breastfeeding, saying “It shows that breast-feeding is probably, maybe, a little better … A couple of studies will show fewer allergies, and then the next one will turn up no difference. Same with mother-infant bonding, IQ, leukemia, cholesterol, diabetes.”
     I have also read the studies and know for myself that breastfeeding is best so I dispute the entire premise that the studies don’t support the benefits of breastfeeding.  After all, if you saw a study that claimed to show no link between sunscreen and skin cancer (despite all the others that DO show a link), would you not bother to use sunscreen on your children? 
      Boy did she open a can of worms! To be quite truthful, I think when we make excuses like the ones she has made in this article, you tend to come off as selfish. The number one reason why I breastfeed is because I know with out a doubt that it is the best thing I can give my baby. Bottom line. It is not about me. I think that people in this society have become overly self serving. ME, Me, Me! Yes, odds are if you give your baby formula, he or she will turn out to be happy, healthy individuals but nature can not be duplicated to an exact measure and there are things that you and your baby will go without. 
   Here are the facts:
1. Breastfeeding is the way nature intended for us to feed our babies. Natural is ALWAYS better than anything that we can cook up in our science labs.
2.It is healthier for both mom and baby. For the mother alone, it reduces the risk of breast, endometrial, and ovarian cancer, as well as many other diseases. For the baby, it passes along immunities that the mother's body has on a day to day, feeding to feeding basis, helps prevent SIDS and lowers the risk of many diseases including cancers, diabetes, asthma, ear infections, and arthritis, just to name a few. It also lowers the risk for baby girl to get breast cancer later on.
3. It is waaaaaayyyy more convenient. No mixing and warming and washing bottles. I just lift up my shirt and "Bon Appetit! Dinner is served."
4.It is free. Yes I have chosen to buy things like a breast pump, nursing cover and pads but all of those things are optional. And don't nearly add up to the $1200 per year it costs to formula feed. Plus breast fed babies are generally healthier than formula fed babies, which means less doctors visits.
5. it helps Mom lose the baby weight faster. Thanks to breastfeeding I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight by my 5th week postpartum and actually weigh 5 lbs less than I did pre-pregnancy. that is with no dieting and very light exercise. Plus, did you know that if a women doesn't breastfeed her uterus will always be slightly larger than it was before pregnancy? Interesting.
      My journey with breast feeding was not a walk in the park either. My son was put into NICU when he was first born because of a fever that spiked in my last stages of labor. I did not see him for 6 HOURS after he was born. It was awful. I began to pump as soon as I could and would send my Husband down with the bottles every few hours. By the time I could begin to try and breastfeed, we were having problems latching on. Through tears, exhaustion and many many attempts I continued to pump bottles for him and my supply came in with abundance. Engorgement sucked, my nipples had blisters from the pump and I looked like Dolly Parton. I thought many times about giving up but I kept going for one reason and one reason only: For Kai. Eventually he latched on and even through a second case of engorgement ( I had been accidentally pumping more then he was actually eating) we continued. And you know what? I am extremely proud of myself for what I did. And the benefits have paid off. I think Kai has only had one small cold. As I am writing, I am sick with strep throat but you know what? He is fine. Despite my constant contact with him, he is perfect. I'll leave you with this quote by Christine Northurp M.D.:

"When we trust the makers of baby formula more than we do our own ability to nourish our babies, we lose a chance to claim an aspect of our power as women. Thinking that baby formula is as good as breast milk is believing that thirty years of technology is superior to three million years of nature's evolution. Countless women have regained trust in their bodies through nursing their children, even if they weren't sure at first that they could do it. It is an act of female power, and I think of it as feminism in its purest form."

Catching Up

        I can't believe how long it has been since I have posted anything on here. I feel like I have not stopped running around for the past few weeks. Maybe that's because I have a baby on the brink of walking who never stops moving which results in a constantly moving Mommy. To say I'm slightly exhausted would be putting it lightly. But through my exhaustion comes boat loads of happiness so I really can't complain. Although I am currently fighting a mean case of strep throat I am still moving and getting ready for the busy week ahead. 

     Maybe I should play catch up on recent events before I go into what is up and coming. Two weeks ago, Jesse got the entire weekend off. He is currently going through the selection process for the U.S. Army Parachute Team, The Golden Knights. He is on the home stretch now and I know we are both ready for a little R&R. Anyways, so he had the whole weekend off which hadn't happened at all and we were so thrilled to spend two whole days and nights together! It's amazing how much you can take time together for granted when you always have it. We went on a much needed date to watch my beloved Florida Gators take on LSU in football. We lost, but it was still a great night consisting of mojitos (my all time favorite), deep fried pickles, and pumpkin beer. Weird combination I know but believe me when I say it was fabulous! The next morning we woke up and drove an hour into the country to Gross Family Farms for Kai's first visit to a pumpkin patch. It was such a wonderful day. We strolled through the patch in search for the perfect pumpkin for our first family Jack o' Lantern. Kai enjoyed sitting amongst them and trying to pick them up and roll them over. After we found "the one" we headed over to an area of only very small pumpkins and let Kai pick out his own. The day was ended with some homemade ice cream, it was too hot for cider or hot chocolate like I had envisioned when I first came up with this idea. But there is always next year!

Where's Waldo? :)

      Like I mentioned before Kai is BUSY. The only time the child stops is when he finally passes out for his nap or bedtime and even then he goes out with a bang. Practically running around in circles until the very last ounce of energy in his body is used up. He will be walking any day now and I can't help but get nostalgic when I look back on the past 11 months. How fast the time has gone and how beautiful every moment has been. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. It's funny to look back to the day he was born and remember how overwhelmed I was with love and how I thought I couldn't possibly love him any more than I did that day, only to have been surprised every day since then with a stronger more inexplicable love than the day before. Wow. I always knew the love for your child is strong but I never really KNEW. If that makes any sense. 

Did I mention he is busy??

    Two days ago was Jesse's birthday and I spent the majority of the day cooking and baking. Being in the kitchen is probably my favorite place to be aside from anywhere with my family. I enjoy it, and I know it may seem a little 1950's/ anti-woman's progression but I'm not there against my will and that's certainly not where I am expected to be so don't read too far into it. Anyways, last minute Jesse was able to come home for dinner instead of me bringing the food to him and he brought along the rest of the guys going through selection. It was really nice to have him home and to be able to get to know the people he has been spending the past two months with. And I made a glorious dessert.... Cookies and Cream Cheesecake Cupcakes. Yeah, I know. GLORIOUS. I got the recipe from Martha Stewart's Cupcake Cookbook. She is wonderful. I love Martha and I don't care who knows it! They were delicious and the night was a success.

Here they are in all their glory.

                                                      

          And here is the recipe: 

Martha Stewart's Cookies and Cream Cheesecakes Recipe
Makes 30


Ingredients:
42 cream-filled sandwich cookies, such as Oreos, 30 left whole, and 12 coarsely chopped
2 pounds cream cheese, room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 large eggs, room temperature, lightly beaten
1 cup sour cream
Pinch of salt




1. Preheat oven to 275 degrees. Line standard muffin tins with paper liners. Place 1 whole cookie in the bottom of each lined cup.


2. With an electric mixer on medium high speed, beat cream cheese until smooth, scraping down sides of bowl as needed. Gradually add sugar, and beat until combined. Beat in vanilla.


3. Drizzle in eggs, a bit at a time, beating to combine and scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed. Beat in sour cream and salt. Stir in chopped cookies by hand.


4. Divide batter evenly among cookie-lined cups, filling each almost to the top. Bake, rotating pan halfway through, until filling is set, about 22 minutes. Transfer to wire racks to cool completely. Refrigerate at least 4 hours (or up to overnight). Remove from tins just before serving.

Well my busy boy is up from his nap, till next time!

The Love of Imperfection

"Love is not about finding a perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

   Last weekend, my sweet husband came home for the night ( he is away at a military selection program for two months, more on that later). I had been busy all day cleaning the house, going to the store and cooking a nice meal of pork chops, mac and cheese (homemade of course), sauteed zucchini and apple dumplings. Yum! Of course, I didn't have to do any of this but I do because nothing gives me more happiness than to shower the people I love with love! And my Hubby is at the top of the list of people I absolutely adore. Is he perfect? By all means no. Is he perfect for me? Yes. Does he sometimes give me a headache and make me want to pull my hair out? Definitely. I think a huge turning point in our marriage was when I started to appreciate his imperfections instead of letting them exasperate me. He is who he is and I am who I am. So when he came home slightly crabby and exhausted instead of happy and cheerful to see me, I embraced that. 
     Believe it or not, the things I miss the most about him being home are the little things that usually irk me like crazy. I miss finding his leftover scrubble scattered around on our bathroom sink, I miss the way he always leaves his shoes in the most unfitting places, and I miss the way he clanks his silverware loud enough to wake our sleeping baby upstairs. I miss him. All of him. Because I love him, every last part.  
     It would be completely unfair if I didn't touch on my own imperfections. I am a recovering control freak meaning the tendencies are still there but I am trying to relax a bit, I almost always leave my strands of hair in our shower, I overanalyze situations to an extreme and I remember everything ( trust me this is NOT a good trait, my husband will agree). But thankfully, my husband loves me despite all of this and for that I am grateful. 
      One of the things my husband and I always try to remember is that the greatest thing that we can do for our child is to love one another. Kids need to be loved, see love and love back. And he is looking to us for his example.

A Blank Slate

I have an odd obsession with things that are completely blank. I told you it was odd. For instance, during my school years (I sound old) I was utterly ecstatic when it was time to go shopping for school supplies. I spent a ridiculous amount of time down the aisles of Office Depot picking out my folders, notebooks and binders. When we would return home I would organize everything just so, then write my name with permanent marker in my very best handwriting and carefully place them in my backpack for the long awaited first day of school. It was a feeling of a fresh new beginning. There is something about writing that I find so exciting. All of those pages of paper that didn't have one letter written on them would soon be covered front to back with notes, random thoughts, and my sad attempt at stick figures. It was the infinite possibilities that I loved. Still love. I am the same way with stationary, post-its, shopping lists, and random pads of paper, since I am no longer a student with a need to buy notebooks. That same old familiar feeling came back to me when I created this blog. No posts, no comments, no followers. I could go anywhere with this. 
A blank slate.
So anyways, you are probably wondering where I actually am going with this. I created this blog for a multitude of reasons but the reason that stands out the most in my mind is for my child. It's always about the children isn't it? I want to document our lives and the trials and tribulations that we face and overcome for him. I want him to be able to some day look back at my odds and ends of words and thoughts and have a glimpse of what life was like through my eyes, a perspective that he might otherwise go without. And writing is therapy for me. It helps me clear my head and de-stress. Which in turn benefits my child, because we all know mommies with clear heads and less stress are way more fun. So whether I have hundreds of readers or none, I will write for him. I will write for me. 
"The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible."  ~Vladimir Nabakov