Dear Kai, part two

Now, there were many people that were not happy I was keeping this big detail a secret, I'm not going to name any names though (your Grandmothers and a few of your aunts). They did everything they could to get me to slip up and call you a he, she, him, or her. One of your grandmothers even tried taking me out shopping for baby clothes. Again, I won't name any names (Grandma Gayla.) She tried to act like she wasn't peeking through aisles of hung up clothes while I browsed the baby section, don't worry though, I had her number! :) I casually looked through both the boy and girl sections and picked out outfits for each with the intention that I would take the girl clothes back when the cat was out of the bag. I never did, because I really liked them. I didn't put them on you of course, they are just stashed away on one of the shelves in your closet for the baby sister you may have one day.
Anyways, the day finally came when we drove up for your Dad's graduation. A few days before we left, I made these cute pink and purple cards for each one of your grandparents. On the outside, was the ultrasound picture showcasing your family jewels. The inside had a short little note from you explaining how you were a really a boy and that I had chosen to make the card in girlish colors to throw them off. Before I gave them the cards, I was going to tell your Dad first. When we initially found out you were on your way, we decided that if you were a boy, we would decorate your room with a cool pirate theme. So when you actually turned out to be a boy, I found the cutest little pirate sippy cup and put it in a satin, drawstring bag to give to your Dad. Knowing full well, he would understand what I was trying to tell him. And he did.
We were sitting on a bench outside of cracker barrel (Ha! Totally not planned to be the place I would make the announcement but makes for an interesting detail) while your grandparents were sitting inside, on the edge of their seats no doubt! Your father looked at me and said, "Really? We are having a Kai?!" All while wearing the biggest smile, I have ever seen on his face. I'm pretty sure you had him at that moment, kiddo. The weekend was a dream and flew by way too fast. We kissed Daddy goodbye, yet again. He was on his way to airborne school at Fort Benning in Georgia.
The awesome thing was, I could drive every weekend to see him while he was there! We were so thrilled. Your Dad said every time he saw me that my belly looked bigger. We spent lazy days at our cozy hotel, enjoyed great dinners out, saw the 6th Harry Potter in theaters (I had to get up at least 5 times to use the bathroom), and spent a day in Callaway Gardens. It was definitely much needed quality time for us, but like usual, the almost 4 weeks flew by and we were saying goodbye, again. At least this time we were on the home stretch of our journey, I was just starting my 3rd trimester and Dad was leaving for AIT in Virginia. After that he was done and around that same time you were almost done cooking!
A few weeks passed and I drove up with Grandma Gayla and Papa Dave to see your Dad for Labor Day weekend. We picked Dad up and headed to Washington D.C. I was 30 weeks pregnant and my stomach was huge! People kept telling me it looked like I was going to fall over from my chicken legs giving out. It kind of did look like that... It was a weekend full of fun and lots of walking, Dad was proud I was keeping up so well.
At about 34 weeks I drove up yet again to see your Dad, this time with Grandma Ruthie. I made the mistake of not drinking enough water and not getting out of the car for enough breaks and when I finally got to Virginia something went a little wrong. I was having some serious Braxton Hicks contractions. Only they weren't BHs because these were painful and coming about every 2 minutes. After much debate, we finally headed for the hospital. We got lost about 5 times but we finally did make it there. The nurses hooked me up to a fetal monitor and monitor for my contractions, I was really relieved to know you were ok. At one point, the nurse asked me if I was feeling anything and I told her yes, I was in pain. She said, "Honey, that's because you are in labor!"
Cue panic-stricken look on my face. Then she added nonchalantly, "Looks like you will be having this baby in Virginia." I told her she was wrong and there was no way I was having my baby in Virginia. She just gave me a blank stare. No offense to VA, but that was just not something I wanted to do. They gave me some scary drugs and IVs, with the hope that my contractions would stop so you could continue to bake a little longer. Something finally worked and after 15 hours in the hospital, 3 of which I was shaking uncontrollably, I was released. Your Dad was so worried about me driving all the way back home to Florida, that he ever so lovingly map quested every hospital off 95 the entire length of our trip. I think there was one every hour or so. Luckily, I made it back home without delay and was feeling fine. Because I was so terrified of having you early after that, I put myself on mild bed rest the remainder of the time until your Dad came home. And you know what?! It worked! Your Dad returned home on November 10, 2009. 10 whole days before you were born. Thank you for that :)

Dear Kai, part one

I was looking at my calendar today and it dawned on me that I was almost the mother of a two year old. Although, there are many indicators that Kai, has in fact, reached the "twos" something about looking at the calendar this morning, made that seem so much more real to me. After my big realization, I began digging for a very special word document saved on our computer that I somehow forgot about for the past 9 months. You see, I decided to start a tradition for my children, one where I would write them a letter on each one of their birthdays. The first would be the longest and would include memories from my pregnancy with them through their first birthday. And then one day, either when they are 18 or become parents themselves (I haven't decided which yet), I will give them the collection of letters. A gift that could never be purchased and one that would bring to light, the joy they have brought to my life, and Jesse's too of course. Since I have been attempting to blog as much as I can about our lives, using it as a way to document certain memories, I felt I should share the letter I wrote on Kai's first birthday. It seems only right.
This is a long letter, so I decided to split it up among a few posts. I'd say mostly women read this blog, so I'm guessing it will be somewhat interesting to most of you. If not, I apologize for being an emotional, mushy, lovey dovey type of woman. If you aren't at least one of those, please message me because I'd really be interested to know how you do that! :)

Dear Kai,
You will often hear women say they knew immediately they were expecting, that something just felt different. With you, my son, this was not so.
I don't know if that was because your father and I were not trying to get pregnant or if I was just oblivious to all of the signs but needless to say, I was shocked when I saw two pink lines on that pregnancy test. You see, I had just come back from a trip to Chicago with Aunt Yumi, and I was patiently waiting in the car while Daddy was in his recruiter's office receiving his ship out date for Basic training. I had been having terrible heartburn that radianted much further then just my chest and had been feeling super emotional which I blamed on the date that was approaching for your father and I to be separated for nearly 8 months. With a sudden urge to go to the bathroom, I got out of the car and walked to the nearby drug store. While heading back towards the restroom I happened to pass by the family planning section. In the corner of my eye, I saw a pregnancy test and grabbed it with the intention of reassuring my spinning head that all of my symptoms were not from being pregnant. When the clerk told me the bathroom was out of order, I walked down to Publix to use the bathroom there. I took the test and initially saw just one line, "phew!" I thought in my head. As I gathered my stuff to walk out of the stall I glanced down at the stick one more time and ever so slightly, a second line was appearing. My head really started to spin and I went into full fledge shock mode. I tried to walk out of the store as composed as I possibly could, to not call attention to myself and lost it just as I reached the car. I began calling Aunt Yumi obsessively. She finally called me back and with as much composure that I could manage, I mustered out, "I'm pregnant!"
She did her best to calm me down and I was thankful. It wasn't that I wasn't happy, I was just overwhelmed. And if you know me at all, you know I am a planner. This just happened to not be written in my plan at that moment and I panicked. When your dad reached the car, he immediately saw my face and asked me what was the wrong. Again, I was sobbing and told him I was pregnant. He reached over and hugged me and said, "Its ok, this is a happy thing! Everything is great! We love each other and we are going to have a baby!" Your father is a wonderful man and had me smiling in minutes. All of a sudden, a wave of serenity washed over me and I quickly realized how blessed we were.
Your father was preparing to leave in 4 weeks and we hoped that the days leading up to his departure would move slowly and the days leading up to his homecoming would move quickly. He was able to make it to my first prenatal appointment and for that we were both so thankful. Unfortunately, you were two much of a peanut for them to give me an ultrasound and I know that Daddy was disappointed that he would miss all those special appointments. I was disappointed too.
I will never forget the day I dropped your Dad off at the recruiter's office, I had never felt so heartbroken in my life, we both cried our whole drive there and I thought my heart was going to give out on me. We held each other for as long as we could in the parking lot and then he kissed me one last time, then kissed my barely there baby bump. I don't know how I managed to drive myself back home but I did safely, for you. About two hours after I dropped Dad off, he called me and told me he had the night to do as he pleased, so I immediately got back in the car to pick him up. We had a beautiful evening together. First dinner at The Cheesecake Factory then, we went back home to cuddle together and try to watch tv. We both cried pretty much the entire time while at home. Looking back, it was harder to see him again that day, because we had to say goodbye twice. But we did, and we trudged on. Each of us going down a path leading to a brand new journey. It's funny the way life works out. Your dad was going through training the entire time I was pregnant, and was due to be home 10 days before your due date.
I still remember, the exact date of the day we first "met." It was May 5, 2009 and I was about 12 weeks pregnant. It was your first ultrasound. It was amazing, you actually looked like a baby! You were beautiful and I was immediately in love with you. I got extra copies of your pictures to send to Daddy in my daily letters to him. He later told me that he pulled out those pictures every night and dreamt about all the things he was going to teach you. He even kept one in the pocket of his ACUs. You and I were his motivation. We still are, he says.
Six weeks had passed from when your Dad had left and I was now 16 weeks pregnant and about to find out if you were a boy or a girl. I had decided that I would go alone to this appointment and that I would keep your gender a secret until I saw your Daddy in person and told him at his graduation from Basic. It seemed only right that he be the next person to know. And since I couldn't just call him on the phone and tell him, I decided to wait and really make an event of it. The ultrasound technician, didn't even have to tell me, because I saw what it was I was looking for and squealed with excitement. As she typed B-O-Y on the screen, tears rolled down my cheeks. You had become that much more real to me. Now, you had a name. Kai Alan, you became my little dude in that moment and you have stayed true to that, every day we have shared together.